I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
