Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
