who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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