I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
