PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
