what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
