Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
