Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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