remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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