4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we should paint friendship bongs
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