btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
