oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the condom got lost in my hair
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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