You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
