I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
