I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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