my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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