Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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