Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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