I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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