she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
