we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
