Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
