But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
