Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
