so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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