Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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