i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
