Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
