Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
