I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
