I cockslap morals
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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