is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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