i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
