My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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