omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
