So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize