Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
