Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
