tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she pinky promised me she was 18
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
