I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
