He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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