they need to just BURY HIM!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
