She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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