Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize