hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
