I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
