why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
