I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
