I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
