so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
