you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
