Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize