totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
