My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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