My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
foreskin is a definite game changer
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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