i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
