I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
