She's JV to your varsity
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
