I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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