I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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