I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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