I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize