hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
