Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
