I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
