While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
