I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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