You're so nebulous sometimes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
