Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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