I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
