I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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