At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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