ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
