Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
