The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
