how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
