I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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