If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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