shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
