You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
