Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
