Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
