the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
