She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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