i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So many bounce houses so little time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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