Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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