I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
