I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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