I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
