you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
