just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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