I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
