i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
