i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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