My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
