It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize